Posted on : By : TCTJr Posted in : Complete Stupidity|Direct Thoughts|General Discussion|Out In The Fringe|Thoughts_On_TIme

What Is Your Eulogy? (Memento Mori – Memento Vivre)

Dalle’s Idea of a Crypt Monument

One life on this earth is all that we get, whether it is enough or not enough, and the obvious conclusion would seem to be that at the very least we are fools if we do not live it as fully and bravely and beautifully as we can.

Frederick Buechner

First, as always, i trust everyone is safe. Second, i trust everyone had an amazing holiday with your family and friends hopefully did something “screen-free”. It is the start of a new year.

i am changing gears just a little and writing on a subject that, at first blush, might appear morose, yet it is not. in fact quite the opposite.

What Is Your Eulogy?

Yep i went THERE. (Ever notice that once you arrive, you are there and think about somewhere else?)

If you go to my About page, you will see that I set this site up mainly to be a memory machine for me and a digital reference for My Family and Friends in addition, if along the way, i entertain someone on the WorldWideWait(tm) all the better. A reference for a future memory if you will.

I am taking complete editorial advantage of paying the AWS bill every month, and there is a “.org” at the end of the site name denoting a not-for-profit site supposedly like a religion. i can say what i want, i suppose—well, still within reason nowadays. Free Speech, They Said… Yet, I digress.

I will persist until I succeed.

I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins. I am not a sheep waiting to be prodded by my shepherd. I am a lion and I refuse to talk, to walk, to sleep with the sheep. I will hear not those who weep and complain, for their disease is contagious. Let them join the sheep. The slaughterhouse of failure is not my destiny.

I will persist until I succeed.

~ OG Mandino

For context, this subject matter was initiated on the conflagration of several disparate events:

  1. i introduced one of my progeny to Mozart’s Requiem in D minor, K. 626, aka Lacrimosa. We discussed the word Requiem, and then she immediately informed me that Lacrimosa means Sorrow in Latin and in the key of D minor. Wow, thank you, i said. (maybe something is sticking…)
  2. An old friend whom I hadn’t seen in years passed away the day after I emailed him I contacted him to discuss some audio subject material that I enjoyed speaking with him about in detail. Alas, another cancer victim.
  3. i took a class put on by Mathew McConaughey and Tony Robbins called “The Art of Living” and the book The Greatest Salesman by OG Madino was featured in class.
  4. i took yet another class from the amazing Flow Research Collective Group. You can read a review here.
  5. Since I started this piece, even more humans who are dear to me have passed or received extremely dire news.
  6. i just wanted to scribe these thoughts in order to “remind me to remember”.

Life Should be One Great Adventure or Nothing.

Helen Keller

So here we go… it is tl;dr fo’ sho’.

In one of the aforementioned classes, the subject matter was the title of this blog. I originally had planned to calll this blog “Do Not Be Awed Into Submission,” where most people nowadays are “awed” by TikTok,Instagram or YouTube videos of people doing stuff and keep themselves from truly creating and DOING stuff in their own lives. They just sit and watch sports, listen to podcasts and “consume” without using that information to create. It seems to me, at least, that most people nowadays spectate instead of create or participate.

Yet i started reflecting on the subject matter as this blog has been in draft form for over a year. Another year passed, another amazing birthday (afaic the most important holiday), and here we are, a New Year into 2025.

So given all that context and background:

What do i want to be known for when Ye Ole #EndOTimes is forthcoming? (Note: for those word freaks out there, it is called Eschatology from Greek (who else?) ἔσχατος (éskhatos).

This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER
Joe has just worked himself into an imaginary frenzy during the fade-out of his imaginary song,
He begins to feel depressed now. He knows the end is near. He has realized
at last that imaginary guitar notes and imaginary vocals exist only in the mind
of the imaginer.
And ultimately, who gives a f**k anyway? HAHAHAHA!…Excuse me…so who gives a f**k anyway? So he goes back to his ugly little room and quietly dreams his last imaginary guitar solo…

~ Frank Zappa From Watermelon In Easter Hey

i believe at this point, at the end of this thing called life, pretty much for me, are the following attributes that i want to be known for as best as possible i can be:

  • Honor and Integrity
  • Brutal Honesty
  • Living Life Loud
  • Improving Oneself Daily (mentally, physically, emotionally)
  • Loving (and Hating)
  • Quality Over Quantity
  • Maintaining a sheer sense of wonder and awe for Life

If you note, most of these items are items i can control or affect. You say well, what about being a good friend, spouse, parent? Well, to the best of your ability, you can try to be the best at those, but ultimately, someone else is judging YOU. In fact, we are always judged, and in fact, I will say that most people judge – consciously or subconsciously, ergo, Judge as Ye Be Judged.

As well as, and i hope duly noted, some of those items are controversial. Oh Dear Reader, this wont be the first time i have been associated with controversial.

You have enemies? Why, it is the story of every man who has done a great deed or created a new idea. It is the cloud which thunders around everything that shines. Fame must have enemies, as light must have gnats. Do not bother yourself about it; disdain. Keep your mind serene as you keep your life clear.

~ Victor Hugo

To the best of my ability, I will attempt to provide definitions and context for the above attributes. One additional context is that these are couched in “individualistic” references, not societal norms, overlays or programming.

  1. Honor and Integrity

Honor and integrity are ethical concepts that are often intertwined but have distinct meanings:

Honor

Honor refers to high respect and esteem, often tied to one’s actions, character, and adherence to a code of conduct. It is about upholding a personal set of values considered virtuous and deserving of respect and maintaining one’s reputation and dignity through ethical behavior and moral decision-making.

Integrity

Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. It involves consistently adhering to ethical standards and being truthful, fair, and just in all situations. Key aspects of integrity include being truthful and transparent in one’s actions and communications and acting according to one’s values and principles even when it is challenging, inconvenient, or, in many cases, seemingly impossible.

Essentially, it is standing up for “what is right” (as one views in and unto oneself), even within and to the point of adversity or personal loss.

What is good? – All that heightens the feelings of power, the will to power, power itself in man. What is bad? – All that proceeds from weakness. What is happiness? – The feeling that power increases – that a resistance is overcome.

~ Friedrich Nietzsche

Honor and integrity form the foundation of a trustworthy and respected character. Honor emphasizes the external recognition of one’s ethical behavior, while integrity focuses on the internal adherence to moral principles. Your moral compass is extremely individualistic. In full transparency given that i believe there is no original sin some have questioned how in the world can i have such moral character. Literally, someone said to me: “Given how you view things, how do you have such high morals compared to everyone else.” (NOTE: This question came from a very religious, devout, wonderful person i love.).

It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.

~ Andre Gide

Brutal Honesty

Brutal honesty refers to being extremely direct and unfiltered in communication, often to the point of being blunt or harsh. This form of honesty prioritizes telling the truth without considering the potential impact on the feelings or reactions of others. It sorta kinda exactly goes hand in hand with Integrity which in turn connects to Honor.

Key aspects of brutal honesty include:

Directness: Providing straightforward and unvarnished truth without sugarcoating or softening the message.

Bluntness: Being frank (or Ted) and candid, even if the truth may be uncomfortable or hurtful.

There isn’t a coffee table book entitled “Mediocore Humans In History”

~ C.T.T.

So why try to toe the Brutal Honesty Line?

Clarity: It can eliminate misunderstandings and provide a clear and unambiguous message. Also, it lets people know where you stand.

Trust: Some people appreciate brutal honesty because it demonstrates a commitment to truthfulness and transparency. I’ve had folks come back to me later and thanked me. Which is really rad of them.

Efficiency: It can get to the heart of an issue without dancing around the subject. Once again, note the time savings component. It saves a ton of time. HUUUUUUOOOOOGGGEEE time saver.

Potential Drawbacks

If you are delivering negative information to someone this can have drawbacks. If you are delivering positive news, do it with gusto! However, this situation can occur.

Hurt Feelings: It can cause emotional harm or strain relationships due to the harsh delivery. Deliver honest negative information with proper propriety and courtesy. They will hopefully get over it if they have any self-reflection.

Perception of Rudeness: It may be perceived as insensitive, disrespectful, lack of empathy, or unnecessarily harsh. However, if you are running a company or in a particularly toxic relationship, great results take drastic measures.

Conflict: It can lead to conflicts or defensive reactions from those who receive the message. Some say life is all conflict. Once again don’t go looking for trouble but you cannot shy away from interactions.

The harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph.

 ~ Thomas Paine 

Caveat Emptor: As implicit in the above commentary, Brutal Honesty should be balanced with surgical and thoughtful empathy and, shall we say, nuance to ensure that the truth is communicated effectively and respectfully. For instance, it is okay to lie and say someone’s baby is cute. In the same fashion, eating everything on your plate when they have asked you over for supper at a neighbor’s house is also good manners, even though you probably do not like well-done pot roast and peas. Say thank you, and it was delicious. In Everything, practice propriety and courtesy.

When you have lived your individual life in YOUR OWN adventurous way and then look back upon its course, you will find that you have lived a model human life, after all.

Professor Joseph Campbell

2. “Living Life Loud” is a phrase that conveys embracing life with enthusiasm, boldness, and authenticity. It suggests living in a way that is vibrant, expressive, and true to oneself. To be authentic and true to yourself, and to embrace your passions and unique perspectives. It can also mean living intentionally and unapologetically, pursuing your dreams with enthusiasm, and stepping outside of your comfort zone.

Here are some aspects of what it means to Live Life Loud:

Authenticity: Being true to yourself and not being afraid to show your true colors, even if they differ from societal norms or expectations.

Boldness: Taking risks, stepping out of your comfort zone, and confidently pursuing your passions and dreams.

Enthusiasm: Approaching life with energy and excitement, making the most out of every moment.

Courage: Facing challenges head-on and standing up for what you believe in, even when it’s difficult.

I wonder, I wonder what you would do if you had the power to dream any dream you wanted to dream?

~ Alan Watts

This seems rather nebulous in some cases, so let us get a little more specific with some examples.

Pursuing Dreams: Actively chasing your goals and aspirations, regardless of how daunting they may seem. Most dreams are impossible; otherwise, they wouldn’t be dreams.

Taking Risks: Being willing to try new things, even if there’s a chance of failure. It goes hand in hand with Pursuing Your Dreams. Someone once said “I need to surf big waves with two oxygen tanks,” i said well you cant surf them then. In the same vein someone told me when discussing my view on creating companies: “I cant take that risk.”, i asked well you drive a car? Trust me that is a much larger risk everyday.”

In the next five seconds what are you going to do to make your life spectacular?

~ Tim O’Reilly

Being Outspoken: Sharing your opinions and ideas confidently, without fear of judgment. Not bragging. Being forthright in your views and taking responsibility for those views. Owning them and being prepared to defend them.

Celebrating Uniqueness: Embracing what makes you different and showcasing it proudly (not loudly). However, not to the point of narcism. Of course, I hear Tyler Durden saying, “You are not a unique snowflake,” whilst also saying, “You are not your f-ing khakis!”

So why live life loud? Well, I’m glad you asked. Here are just some that I wrote down: Being open and expressive can help build deeper, more meaningful relationships. Brutal Honesty with Onesself and the Universe.

This chooses by definition a life of surprise. Living outside the realm of societal norms in most cases.

Potential Challenges

Judgment: Judge So Ye Be Judged! Others may not always understand or accept your loud approach to life, which can lead to criticism or judgment. THEY are going to judge anyway. In fact THEY have judged even before you started living life loud. Why? Because most who judge follow The Herd mentality of Social Norms.

Risk of Failure: Taking bold steps can sometimes lead to setbacks or failures, which require resilience to overcome. However my “hot-take” (isn’t that the lingo?) is once you have stepped out on the edge and attempted to create or do or launch yourself into the air over ice or over the ledge of a heaving wave – YOU WON! Analysis to paralysis is death. Hesitation Kills folks. Remember if you fail you have no where to go but up and if it is a big enough failure you have a great story!

Vulnerability: Being authentic and expressive means being vulnerable, which will be in most cases uncomfortable, I’d rather crawl through glass attempting to obtain My Personal Legend that sit back and think i could have done or what might have been. In fact, most people are frightened more of living the extreme dream than failing. they would rather fail or even said they failed and quit.

All we hear is radio ga ga

Radio goo goo

Radio ga ga

All we hear is radio ga ga

Radio blah, blah

~ Radio GA GA, Queen

Living Life Loud is about making the most of your existence, embracing who you are, and not being afraid to live boldly and authentically. Go to the extreme of that dream, as extreme as you can obtain because, Dear Reader, there are no circumstances, and once you move toward Living Life Loud, there are even as i once believed – no Consequences.

Caveat Emptor: There is no free lunch here at all. The path you choose for your bliss is expensive. The collateral damage is mult-modal. it has been said Humans love a winner but they love a looser more because it makes them feel better about themselves. This also gets into our subconscious programming from society and our families. My Mother not too long ago when i was discussing a subject concerning “taking care of them” and she responded: You go live your life and make no decisions based on others. Others should be so lucky, but they aren’t. The hardest path is YOUR true path. Choose it. Hold It. Protect IT.

Respice post te. Hominem te esse memento. Memento mori.” (“Look after yourself. Remember you’re a man. Remember you will die.”). 

~The 2nd-century Christian writer Tertullian reports a general said this during a procession

3. Improving Oneself Daily

Improving oneself mentally, physically, and “spiritually” daily involves a commitment to continuous personal development in both the mind and body. This holistic approach to self-improvement includes activities and habits that promote mental clarity, emotional well-being, and physical health. Here’s a breakdown of what it means:

Mentally

Learning: Engaging in activities that stimulate your mind, such as reading, studying, or learning new skills.

Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness or meditation to enhance self-awareness, reduce stress, and improve mental clarity.

Positive Thinking: Cultivating a positive mindset by focusing on gratitude, affirmations, and reframing negative thoughts. Stay away from pessimistic people and naysayers.

Problem-Solving: Challenging yourself with puzzles, games, or new experiences that require critical thinking and creativity. Study the subject of neo-plasticity. Brush your teeth with the opposite hand for a week. Drive a new path without Apple/Google/Waze Maps. Or do what i like to do Freedive. Click and read.

Emotional Health: Managing emotions effectively through journaling, therapy, or talking to trusted friends or family members. Take martial arts for defense and emotional health. Punch a bag. Lift heavy weights. Love animals.

Reading: Read, Read and Read More. Not trash novels but deep nonfiction and fiction. Write, take notes when you read.

Physically

Exercise: Engaging in regular physical activity, whether it’s strength training, cardio, yoga, or any other form of exercise that keeps your body active and strong. Get up and MOVE!

Nutrition: Eating a balanced and nutritious diet that fuels your body and supports overall health. i happen to trend towards canivore. Its difficult but it changed my life. Again, eating meat lifts heavy things.

Sleep: Ensuring you get adequate and quality sleep to allow your body and mind to recover and function optimally. i can sleep standing up in an airport. Learn how to take power naps.

Daily Habits

Consistency: Make these activities a part of your daily routine to ensure continuous improvement. Discipline above all. Not grit or determination but Discipline. Have a morning routine. Or any routine then this allows you mental freedom to go other places mentally and physically. Takes cognitive load off you and reduces friction. Eat the same things, dress the same way.

Goal Setting: Setting small, achievable goals that contribute to your long-term personal development. Make your bed everyday. Set goals in the am then reflect in pm. How could you do better tomorrow? Take time each day to reflect on your progress, identify areas for improvement, and celebrate your achievements.

Adaptability: Being open to change and willing to adjust your habits and routines as you learn what works best for you. Try things you wouldn’t normally do – listen to smooth jazz. Try Hot Yoga. Do stuff then you can optimize to your liking. You might try it and like it.

Improving oneself mentally and physically daily is a lifelong commitment to becoming the best version of yourself. It involves dedication, consistency, and a willingness to learn and adapt continually. It is all based on discipline. Full stop. Not motivation, not grit not anything but getting up and MOVING. Go do the thing that scares. you the most or the thing that you deplore the most – D I S C I P L I NE. i lift every day and read something every day.

Without contrairies there no progression. Attraction and replusion, reason and energy, love and hate are necessary for human existence.

~ William Blake

4. Loving (and Hating)

The idea of experiencing both love and hate at their fullest potential emphasizes the importance of embracing the full spectrum of human emotions to lead a richer, more authentic life.

Emotional Authenticity

Full Range of Experience: Experiencing the full range of emotions allows for a deeper understanding of oneself and others. It means accepting and acknowledging all feelings rather than suppressing them. i call this the dynamic range of life. Western society suppresses everything except sadness. it is ok to be sad. Be enraged. Be Full Of Lust and Desire. Know were your limits are if there are any and learn to regulate them as needed.

Self-Awareness: Fully engaging with both love and hate can lead to greater self-awareness and insight into what matters to you and why. If i have been guilty of something is not being aware enough. If there is original sin afaic it is stupidity and non-awareness. Funny how they go hand in hand and do related to loving and hating.

Learning Opportunities: Intense emotions, whether positive or negative, can be powerful teachers. They provide opportunities to learn about your triggers, strengths, weaknesses, and values. Putting yourself out there past the pale teaches you quickly and well. Strong emotions can inspire creativity, leading to profound art, writing, music, and other forms of expression.

Resilience: Navigating through both love and hate can build emotional resilience, helping you manage future challenges more effectively. Experiencing hate or intense dislike can make you appreciate love and positive emotions more deeply, providing a balanced perspective on life. Salt and Pepper anyone?

Remember when you were young, you shown like the Sun. Shine On you Crazy Diamond!

~ Pink Floyd “Shine On You Crazy Diamond”

Loving and Hating will lead to Authentic Relationships.

Deeper Connections: Loving deeply fosters strong, meaningful relationships. Being open about negative emotions can also lead to more honest and authentic interactions. Strong emotions can inspire creativity, leading to profound art, writing, music, and other forms of expression. Confronting and understanding negative emotions can lead to healthier conflict resolution and stronger relationships in the long term.

Caveats and Considerations when Loving and Hating

Caveat Emptor: It’s important to express both love and hate in healthy, constructive ways. While deep emotions are natural, how you act on them matters significantly. Ensure that the expression of intense emotions does not harm yourself or others. Finding healthy outlets for negative emotions is crucial. While experiencing emotions entirely is valuable, maintaining a balance is important. Overwhelming negativity or unchecked hatred can be destructive, so it’s essential to seek ways to manage and balance these emotions. Also sometimes we must practice complete indifference. Embracing both love and hate fully can lead to a richer, more nuanced understanding of life, fostering personal growth, deeper relationships, and a more authentic existence.

And the Germans killed the Jews
And the Jews killed the Arabs
And Arabs killed the hostages
And that is the news
And is it any wonder
That the monkey’s confused

~ Perfect Sense Part 1, Roger Waters

5. Quality Over Quantity

The phrase “quality over quantity” as a human value emphasizes prioritizing the excellence, depth, or meaningfulness of something over merely having more of it. It’s a mindset that values richness, purpose, and intentionality over excess or superficial accumulation. i have a saying: “Best Fewest.” You get the best humans that know how to do something together they can create anything.

Relationships: Valuing meaningful, deep connections with a few people rather than having a large network of acquaintances. Iihave a very small network i can count on one hand, i completely trust. Once you get over 30 you find out who really cares about you. See the quote at the end of the blog. Really those who matter just want you truly happy.

Work: Focusing on producing exceptional work or projects instead of completing many tasks without significant impact or value. That 9 am standup is it really needed? Cant we automate this excel spreadsheet? Think much? Work yourself out of a job and into your passion.

Material Possessions: Preferring fewer high-quality, durable items rather than many cheap, disposable ones. But a high quality custom suit or dress – three of them. Prada, Sene etc. Black, navy, or dark blue with custom shirts. i happen to prefer fench cuffs with cuff links. They never go out of style and will last forever.

There are many who would take my time, I shun them. There are some who share my time, I am entertained by them. There are precious few who contribute to my time, I cherish them.

~ A.S.L.

Time Management: Spending your time on activities that matter and bring fulfillment rather than filling your schedule with things that feel busy but are unimportant or things that people put on you. The above quote is my favorite quote in my life, and if i do have a tombstone, i want it on it. EMBLAZONED!

Essentially, it’s a principle that asks, “What truly matters?” and reminds us to focus on what brings genuine value and satisfaction rather than chasing quantity for the sake of just having more of something.

6. Maintaining a sheer sense of wonder and awe for life

Maintaining a sheer sense of wonder and awe for life means approaching the world with curiosity, gratitude, and an openness to its beauty and mysteries. BE AMAZED AT THE THRALL OF IT ALL! It’s about deeply appreciating the small and large marvels around you—whether it’s the intricacies of nature, the complexities of human connections, or the endless potential for discovery and growth. YOU ARE READING <THIS>. Check out my blog Look Up and Down and All Around – has some cool pictures as well.

It involves letting go of jadedness or routine and instead choosing to see the extraordinary in the ordinary. This mindset keeps you engaged, inspired, and connected to the richness of life, no matter the circumstances. It’s like seeing the world through the eyes of a child, where everything holds the potential for fascination and joy. Turn up the back channel like when you were a child. Be Aware! Be Amazed! Wonder what it is like to be a tree or a rock!

i can say unequivocally that while i have many more mistakes than “performing tasks in a correct fashion” that i have lived a loud and truly individuated life. Would i do things differently? Sure some. I probably would have “sent” it even harder, and past eleven pretty much on everything. i can truly say that i left everything out in the ocean, nothing in the bag and gave it my all. Remember: Take care of those you call your own and keep good company:, storms never last and the forecast calls for Blue Skies!

Enough for now.

For those that truly know me, you know, and I cherish you. 🤘🏻💜.

Until Then,

@tctjr

#iwishyouwater <- if i could do it again, i would live this life. He got the memo.

Music To Blog By: All Of the versions of “Watermelon in Easter Hay”, full name “Playing a Guitar Solo With This Band is Like Trying To Grow a Watermelon in Easter Hay, by Frank Zappa (covers etc) i could find and just loop them. There is even a blue grass version. In their review of the album, Down Beat magazine criticized the song (i despise critics), but subsequent reviewers championed it as Zappa’s masterpiece. Kelly Fisher Lowe called it the “crowning achievement of the album” and “one of the most gorgeous pieces of music ever produced.” I must agree. Supposedly, Zappa told Neil Slaven that he thought it was “the best song on the album. “Watermelon in Easter Hay” is in 9/4 time. The song’s hypnotic arpeggiated pattern is played throughout the song’s nine minutes. The 9/4 time signature keeps the song’s two-chord harmonic structure which until you really listen you don’t realize its a two chord structure.  For me i think it is one of the most sonically amazing pieces of music ever written and produced. Sonically, the reverb is amazing. Sonically, the maribas are astounding. Sonically the orchestral percussion is mesmerizing. The song after Watermelon on Joe’s Garage is completely hilarious, “Little Green Rosetta,”and I am putting that on the going away party playlist, and I hope people dance in a conga or kick line and sing it. The grass bone to the ankle bone (listen to the song…).

Think about it a very mediocre guy imagining how he could play, if he could play anything that he wanted to play? Get the reference to the entire blog? Ala Alan Watts, if you could dream any dream, you want to dream? Then what?

The song is, in effect, a dream of freedom.

Here are some other details about “Watermelon in Easter Hay”:

  • The song’s two alternating harmonies are A and B / E, linked by a G#. 
  • The song is introduced by Zappa as the Central Scrutinizer, which then gives way to a guitar solo. 
  • The song’s snare accents have a lot of reverb and delay, creating a swooosh sound that sometimes sounds like wind. 
  • The song’s guitar solo is the only guitar solo specifically recorded for the album.  All others are from a technique known as xenochronous.
  • Rumor has it Dweezil Zappa is the only person allowed to play it.
  • Someone called the song intoxicating in one of my other blogs on the Zappa Documentary. Kind of like a really good baklava.

And a couple more items for your thoughts:

Its so hard to forget pain but its even harder to remember hapiness. We have no scar to show for hapiness. We learn so little from peace.

~ Chuck Palahnuik (author of fight club, choke etc)

Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

~ Dr. Suess

i listen to this every morning. Rest In Power Maestro with the amazing Susanna Rigacci:

Posted on : By : TCTJr Posted in : Human-Performance|Random_Thoughts|Thoughts_On_TIme

It Is An Honor To Say “GoodBye”.

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.

C.S. Lewis
An AI-Generated Image

First, i hope everyone is safe, especially on this day when belief systems ran completely amok. Second, this day also holds a place for me that i will not go into but if you are a good internet sleuth you can figure it out.

Today i did something i have never done nor did i think i could do because of several factors. However into the breach once more and low and behold i pulled it off. The man with me is an expert at this activity and gave me some pointers as to how to perform the said activity. As i was saying goodbye to the man who is one of the closest people in my life we volitionally hugged each other and shook hands a certain way.

On this day i reflected on an Uber ride that i had years ago where a man picked me up. We started talking as it was a pretty good drive from SFO to the Marines’ Memorial Club & Hotel where i was speaking.

There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain

All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all

The driver as it turns out was a former senior salesperson at salesforce. As i always say you never know what someone has been through so don’t judge them by how they make a living. We discussed most of the “-isms” and then he said, “Mr Ted i found comfort in the christian bible. Have you read it?” i said i have read it three times and i prefer the old testament. i asked him why? he said it helped him through the hard times of his life. He was talking about his family in past tense and i was very sensitive to prying to much into his business. i asked him what type of hardships. He said his family lived during the years of Pol Pot and the Cambodian genocide and his family were all murdered. i really didnt know what to say except “My Condolences”. He said, “Thank you Mr Ted. i have found peace and remember it is an honor to say goodbye to someone and to always make it count as you never know when you will see them again. As a matter of fact i do not tell people Goodbye i say i love you or be safe.”

We arrived at the Marine Hotel. We got out of the car and he said , “Mr Ted it has been an honor speaking with you i hope you enjoy your life. Be Safe Mr Ted.”

That left an indelible imprint on my mind.

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more

On 9.11 – Today many lost loved ones. Grief, as Mr Lewis states, is very much like fear except you cannot Un-Grieve. You can be unafraid. Grief, as it turns out, is never-ending. There is no invertible transformation that makes you not grieve.

We have been so programmed to buck it up – suck it up, buttercup that everything tries to gloss over the loss. Whether a human or a family pet, it is ok to grieve. There are people and animals in my life that i will never recover from losing and for the longest time i beat myself up for not bucking up buttercup.

Further contemplating this i believe Grief is fractal. Zoom in on a fractal it evolves and changes yet holds the same shape ad infinitum1.

Mandelbrot Set Generated Fractal

Grief as it turns out appears at least to me to be closely aligned. The more you peel it back the more complex it gets.

Same Fractal Zoomed

Does time heal Grief? Not really. It is the memory that fades. Ergo other memories fade as a function of our leaky memory system.

We deal with healing in different ways. The Uber driver found solace in a religious text, others workout, some self-medicate, others try to replace the human or animal.

We want it to go away.

i say we should acknowledge the pain of grief and realize it and let it happen then further acknowledge that the next person or animal who is essential to you, use the opportunity and find strength in telling them “Be Safe, See ya Real Soon, or i love you more.” However above all, if you cherish that friend or loved one, it is an honor to tell them upon them walking out the door. Let them know it.

Until Then,

#iwishyouwater. <- Laird Hamilton on a Paddle board

@tctjr

Muzak To Blog By: A band called Papir.

[1] The Mandelbrot set is the set of complex numbers c for which the function

    \[f_{c}=z^2+c\]

does not diverge to infinity when iterated from

    \[z=0\]

Posted on : By : TCTJr Posted in : Human-Performance|Random_Thoughts|Thoughts_On_TIme

What Are You Good At?

Panda Says…

The thing that you are most comfortable with that you do the best.

Steve Vai

First as always i hope everyone is safe. Second this blog is out of band so to speak. This question was posited to me during a technical discussion with some great folks whom i had just met and we were discussing re-tooling and scaling enterprise systems.

Completely almost non-sequitur this executive asked:

Q: What do you think you are good at?

There isnt too many times when i am personally caught off gaurd but i stopped and replied “Well that is a great question. So good in fact i am going to write a blog if you dont mind. “

Which then got me to thinking:

Q: If you really truly love what you are doing is it really work?

Not at all.

This goes along with several of the blogs i have done in the past concerning – What Is IT You Truly Want?

So without any hubris or narcissism as far as i know or have been told what i am good at is the following:

Evidently, i have an uncanny ability to see what needs to be built with the right team and at a pretty good time or within a certain timeframe.

The other thing i am supposedly good at is getting people aligned and excited around a common vision to execute said code base or system(s).

i also take the title CTO very seriously. i do pride myself on keeping up with technology. i attempt to find out what works and what does not work. Mathematics and Software completely and unequivocally enthrall me. i am always either reading a book, paper or blog on a technical subject. i don’t really keep up with the normal outside world. So i can’t really comment on sports, movies, or the daily news. Ergo i don’t go around chasing fads however many times you do have to create net new warez. i tend to go deep on technical subjects before i bring them into an organization.

Really after thinking about all of this is it useful? After thinking more about it i really cannot say at this time. Maybe it’s an occupational hazard nowadays. However, it is what i maybe think i am good at so to speak.

However, i can assure you that holding that mirror up to yourself and looking deep into it is an exercise we should all do on a daily basis. As the famous song lyric goes “Chickity-check yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self”.

So finding out what you are really good at and strengthening that creates a self-perpetuating system. It has been said You Are Your Best Charity. If you truly enjoy what you are doing then it really isn’t work is it? This allows you to concentrate on what you are good at and then in turn Amplifying_OthersTM.

Find Your Passion At All Costs.

Become the system You are creating.

Then IT will naturally happen.

I posted this video of Steve Vai a long time ago in another blog and in another life. i ran across it while taking a break at 2:30 AM EST working on a very serious bug with a company i co-founded. It paused me. i always come back to it. While this is supposedly a master class with Steve Vai he never talks about guitar technique but 1rather how to be successful (really at anything).

Possibly the only thing that i think is more amazing than creating software is music creation. Here is Mr. Steve Vai doing what he does best. Do yourself a favor, watch and listen. i’ll hopefully be seeing him soon in Charleston, SC.

Vai Virtuosity

Would love some comments and feedback on this blog. While it is short i have to tell you it was difficult to type those couple of sentences.

Until Then,

#iwishyouwater <- Will Trubridge 60M Freedive in 60 seconds

@tctjr

Muzak To Blog By: Steve Vai.

Posted on : By : TCTJr Posted in : Mathematics|Snake_Bytes|Thoughts_On_TIme

Snake_Byte[6] Algorithm Complexity

The Lighter Side of Complexity - The Complexity Project
Your software design?

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.

E.F. Schumacher

First, i hope everyone is safe.

Second, i had meant this for reading over Thanksgiving but transparently I was having technical difficulties with \LATEX rendering and it appears that both MATHJAX and native LATEX are not working on my site. For those interested i even injected the MATHJAX code into my .php header. Hence i had to rewrite a bunch of stuff alas with no equations. Although for some reason unbenowst to me my table worked.

Third, Hey its time for a Snake_Byte [] !

In this installment, i will be discussing Algorithm Complexity and will be using a Python method that i previously wrote about in Snake_Byte[5]: Range.

So what is algorithm complexity?  Well, you may remember in your mathematics or computer science classes “Big Oh” notation.  For those that don’t know this involves both space and time complexity not to be confused with Space-Time Continuums.  

Let’s hit the LazyWeb and particularly Wikipedia:

“Big O notation is a mathematical notation that describes the limiting behavior of a function when the argument tends towards a particular value or infinity. It is a member of a family of notations invented by Paul Bachmann, Edmund Landau, and others collectively called Bachmann–Landau notation or asymptotic notation.”

— Wikipedia’s definition of Big O notation

Hmmm.   Let’s try to parse that a little better shall we?

So you want to figure out how slow or hopefully how fast your code is using fancy algebraic terms and terminology.  So you want to measure the algorithmic behavior as a function of two variables with time complexity and space complexity.  Time is both the throughput as well as how fast from t0-tni1 the algorithm operates.  Then we have space complexity which is literally how much memory (either in memory or persistent memory) the algorithms require as a function of the input.  As an added bonus you can throw around the word asymptotic:

From Dictionary.com

/ (ˌæsɪmˈtɒtɪk) / adjective. of or referring to an asymptote. (of a function, series, formula, etc) approaching a given value or condition, as a variable or an expression containing a variable approaches a limit, usually infinity.

Ergo asymptotic analysis means how the algorithm responds “to” or “with” values that approach ∞.

So “Hey what’s the asymptotic response of the algorithm?”

Hence we need a language that will allow us to say that the computing time, as a function of (n), grows ‘on the order of n3,’ or ‘at most as fast as n3,’ or ‘at least as fast as n *log*n,’ etc.

There are five symbols that are used in the language of comparing the rates of growth of functions they are the following five: ‘o’ (read ‘is little oh of’), O (read ‘is big oh of’), ‘θ’ (read ‘is theta of’), ‘∼’ (read ‘is asymptotically equal to’ or, irreverently, as ‘twiddles’), and Ω (read ‘is omega of’). It is interesting to note there are discrepancies amongst the ranks of computer science and mathematics as to the accuracy and validity of each. We will just keep it simple and say Big-Oh.

So given f(x) and g(x) be two functions of x. Where each of the five symbols above are intended to compare the rapidity of growth of f and g. If we say that f(x) = o(g(x)), then informally we are saying that f grows more slowly than g does when x is very large.

Let’s address the time complexity piece i don’t want to get philosophical on What is Time? So for now and this blog i will make the bounds it just like an arrow t(0) – t(n-1)

That said the analysis of the algorithm is for an order of magnitude not the actual running time. There is a python function called time that we can use to do an exact analysis for the running time.  Remember this is to save you time upfront to gain an understanding of the time complexity before and while you are designing said algorithm.

Most arithmetic operations are constant time; multiplication usually takes longer than addition and subtraction, and division takes even longer, but these run times don’t depend on the magnitude of the operands. Very large integers are an exception; in that case, the run time increases with the number of digits.

So for Indexing operations whether reading or writing elements in a sequence or dictionary are also constant time, regardless of the size of the data structure.

A for loop that traverses a sequence or dictionary is usually linear, as long as all of the operations in the body of the loop are constant time.

The built-in function sum is also linear because it does the same thing, but it tends to be faster because it is a more efficient implementation; in the language of algorithmic analysis, it has a smaller leading coefficient.

If you use the same loop to “add” a list of strings, the run time is quadratic because string concatenation is linear.

The string method join is usually faster because it is linear in the total length of the strings.

So let’s look at an example using the previous aforementioned range built-in function:

So this is much like the linear example above: The lowest complexity is O(1). When we have a loop:


k = 0
for i in range(n):
    for j in range(m):
        print(i)
        k=k+1

In this case for nested loops we multiply the time complexity thus O(n*m). it also works the same for a loop with time complexity (n) we call a function a function with time complexity (m). When calculating complexity we omit the constant regardless if its execution 5 or 100 times.

When you are performing an analysis look for worst-case boundary conditions or examples.

Linear O(n):

for i in range(n):
 if t[i] == 0:
   return 0
return 1

Quadratic O(n**2): 

res = 0
for i in range (n):
   for in range (m):
      res += 1
return (res)

There are other types if time complexity like exponential time and factorial time. Exponential Time is O(2**n) and Factorial Time is O(n!).

For space complexity memory has a limit especially if you have ever chased down a heap allocation or trash collection bug. Like we said earlier there is no free lunch you either trade space for time or time for space. Data-driven architectures respond to the input size of the data. Thus the dimensionality of the input space needs to be addressed. If you have a constant number of variables: O(1). If you need to declare an array like using numpy for instance with (n) elements then you have linear space complexity O(n). Remember these are independent of the size of the problem.

For a great book on Algorithm Design and Analysis i highly recommend:

The Algorithm Design Manual by Steven S. Skiena (click it takes you to amazon)

It goes in-depth to growth rates and dominance relations etc `as it relates to graph algorithms, search and sorting as well as cryptographic functions.

There is also a trilogy of sorts called Algorithms Unlocked and Illuminated by Roughgarden and Cormen which are great and less mathematically rigorous if that is not your forte.

Well, i hope this gave you a taste. i had meant this to be a much longer and more in-depth blog however i need to fix this latex issue so i can properly address the matters at hand.

Until then,

#iwishyouwater <- Alexey Molchanov new world freedive record. He is a really awesome human.

Muzak To Blog By: Maddalena (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) by the Maestro Ennio Morricone – Rest in Power Maestro i have spent many hours listening to your works.

Posted on : By : TCTJr Posted in : Human-Performance|Random_Thoughts|Thoughts_On_TIme

What Is It You WANT?

Hey, it’s not your and its not mine

Hey, I’m just here to share your time

Don’t you pay those spinning wheels no mind

~ Tedeschi Trucks Band

First, i trust this finds everyone safe.

Second, as we head into the holiday season i was thoughting about an interview question i always ask people:

“What is it you want?”

i usually get either contorted faces or a blank stare.  No i didn’t ask you to write a Markov chain algorithm to predict the next meme cryptocurrency or describe the differences between NATS or Kafka distributed processing systems or where do you want to be in five years type of questions.

Let me repeat:

“What is it you want?”

i usually have to prompt folks.  

“Ok, like you want a G5 Gulfstream or an island?  How about a puppy?”

“You want to be a writer?  A painter, a musician, or a teacher?”

Invariably when they answer they want to be doing “something else” as the above profession if money were no object, i always respond, “Then why are you interviewing here? Go do what you just said you wanted to do in the first place.”

Unless you think you want a puppy or a plane. However, there is an unending number of ways to be compensated for your passion. You can have your proverbial cake and eat it as well.

This usually gets people pretty animated.  

Then i ask:

‘Which would you rather be?  Famous or Rich?”

Blanks stares.

You see most people truly don’t think about what they deeply truly desire and want in life.

So i am going to be taking the rest of the year in my non-copious free time to thought about and reflect on what i truly want and desire.

The reason i am using thoughting is that most if not all have thought about this very issue with no answers.  

It’s very interesting at least from what i can tell in western civilization we are not taught to think about what we want when most if not all of what drives us is obtaining something.

Then i have a third question:

“Which is worse a lie or greed?”

None of these questions are as difficult as the first.  However the last one i have people who i have hired in the past who have discussed this question with me for decades.

Most people are petrified of success.  What do you do when you get everything you want?

Charlie don’t forget what happeneed to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted… He lived Happily Ever After!

~ Willy Wonka

You have to reassess what you want – yet again.

Maybe you don’t really know what you want? It appears most folks just want predictability and control. Well if you could have that isn’t that living in the past because you already know what is going to happen? Just a thought as it were. Maybe you don’t like surprises. Then again the wonder of life is the unexpected.

Or maybe they want power. Power over what exactly?

So go give it some thought.  In the meantime here is a great piece by Alan Watts. He even mentions a Klien Bottle which amazingly someone sent me one which i greatly cherish.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ohb6hPZpqc0

As always would love to see some comments on the posts.

Until then,

#iwishyouwater

tctjr

Muzak To Blog By:  Tedeschi Trucks Band 

Posted on : By : TCTJr Posted in : Human-Performance|Random_Thoughts|Thoughts_On_TIme

Remembering 9.11

“We are dust in time and space.”

~ Of The Wand & Moon.

Today is a day that will live in infamy for many as a testament to what extremist beliefs can conjure into reality. To those who lost loved ones on 9.11.2001 – peace be with you. To those who survived 9.11.2001 – again peace be with you.

For me a different year 9.11.2005 is etched in my mind. It is a strange phenomenon to me as i spend much of my life always optimizing or at least making myself believe that i am optimizing. While i did not lose a father or husband i lost a dear friend and comrade – Steven Swenson.

Today 9.11.2020 one of my true friends and comrades was returning from a freediving trip with his lovely wife and i could hear the joy in both of their voices performing an activity that my comrade Sven died doing what he loved doing on this day in 2005 – freediving. Living underwater on #OneBreath.

i realized through them on this day the essence of it all came to fruition – The_Human_Do_Loop in action and it is ok to truly feel for without the depths we know no true joy.

to roma, leif, and gage – tell him i said hello – again.

i think he would have liked this song.

And I held the breath inside my lungs for days
And I saw myself as one of many waves
When I knew I’d become the ocean’s slave
I just stayed

And we carried far with all the waters past
Of the waves

I was not first I was not last
And if we saw a boat afloat we took the mast
So fast

There’s a part of it, that I’ll miss
At the heart of it, your cold kiss
From the start of it, I know this
Always apart of it

And before too long the waves grew out of hand
And they worked to keep the sea at their command
And the only thing they feared it seemed the sand
And dry land

There’s a part of it, that I’ll miss
At the heart of it, your cold kiss
From the start of it, I know this
Always apart of it

From the water there was born a bright blue roar
As it rolled and formed and calmed the ocean’s floor
And it finally rose and broke upon the shore
No more

There’s a part of it, that I’ll miss
At the heart of it, your cold kiss
From the start of it, I know this
Always apart of it (I know this)

There’s a part of it, that I’ll miss
At the heart of it, your cold kiss
From the start of it, I know this
Always apart of it
Always apart of it

i know at least one person who freedove today loves that song.

until then,

#iwishyouwater

tctjr.